God, I hope I'm not diabetic. It runs in the family, I think. I've hardly drunk a thing all day and I'm so thirsty I've got a foul taste in my mouth, but I still feel like I've got a few pints inside me. I can usually go a whole morning or afternoon without a piss, but I've been feeling pretty desperate now for over an hour. There must be something wrong with me. I'll have to

I'm not going to make it back. I start looking round for a good bush but they're all in people's gardens. I walk a little further and just when I'm seriously considering knocking on someone's front door and begging with them to let me use their bathroom I remember the public lavatories on the corner of the main road. It's a slight diversion, but just the thought of it makes me

God, I hate public toilets. It's not just the smell. I can hold my breath and it doesn't bother me. It's simply the fact that they are public. Anyone can walk in at any moment. That's the problem. I'd much rather use a bush. Even if somebody caught you at it then they'd be the ones embarrassed and they'd

I first discovered I had peripheral vision when I was in high school. I didn't actually know it was peripheral vision back then and thought it was just something everybody had until a little experience in the boys' toilets when I was about 13. I was standing at the urinal and out of the corner of my eye I caught this other kid turn his head and check me out. I glared at him and he looked

I go into the public toilets, hold my breath, find it's completely empty, but go into one of the stalls anyway and lock the door. I unzip, and enter a state of blissful release. Even being this desperate I could never use a urinal ever again. I wouldn't even be able to squeeze out a few drops. It doesn't matter that there wasn't anyone standing at it when I came in. When there's a chance that someone

It doesn't mean they're gay, of course. I didn't stop using the urinals until I was about 15, by which time I'd caught dozens doing it. I guess they're just curious. I've never done it myself, however. None of them who did it could have had peripheral vision or they would have known some of us could see them at it, but I'm sure I can't be the only one who has this

My phone rings. By the time I zip up, wash my hands and get outside whoever it is will have given up, so I just answer it there and then. It's Ben, and he sounds pissed off at something. I say an awkward hello, even though I know he can't possibly know what I've got in my other hand. He starts to rant.

"Ben, mate, this really isn't a good time," I tell him.

He goes quiet for a few seconds then calms down. He slowly explains that he's come back to town early, only to find that Alex has chucked him out of the house. This doesn't surprise me.

"Do you need somewhere to crash?" I ask.

I know this is why he's phoned even though he'd spend another five minutes getting to it if given the chance. He says he does and I explain the best I can offer is our shitty old sofa. He knows where I live now. He'll be round in an hour.

When I leave the stall, there are two kids at the urinal, one at each end. I wash my hands and glance over. I don't think they know each other, but sure enough, the one on the left is checking out the one on the right. I leave without drying my hands. I could never be that kid on the right. I'd be able to see exactly what the other kid was doing.

And God, what a turn on that would be.

NOTES:
Okay, confession time - this chapter is largely autobiographical (except for the gay part). I have peripheral vision myself and during my school days caught dozens of curious chaps turning their heads out of the corner of my eyes. I don't, however, find that a turn on. Quite the opposite, in fact. Thanks to Derek "Madonna Manson" Williams for giving Andy an authentication rating with his gaydar. As for Ian McKellen, however, you must have been having an off day...

The name Andy for my gay character wasn't a conscious choice. I've always thought the contracted version of the name sounds awfully camp (which should explain to the Andrews I have known through the years why I always refrain from using it). Though I always try to avoid using the names of people I have known in case they think I based the character on them (it doesn't actually work like that, people), I never really found a better name.

The truncated style I have used here wasn't planned. I just got to the end of the first paragraph, couldn't think of a way to finish it, went on to the second, and found it actually worked like that. I think it reflects that Andy has a busy mind.