Mark laughed. “Nah.”

Sam picked up the coins he had dropped, tapped them in his palm as he counted them and sighed. “Okay. Finally.” He reached into the ice cream tub and gave Mark one of the brown bundles wrapped in polythene.

“Cheers,” said Mark.

“Now get out.”

Mark laughed and didn’t move.

“What?” Sam said, gesticulating irritably.

“You still own me ten pence change, mate.”

“Oh, fuck off!” Sam stood up and pressed against him.

Mark staggered back goofily and laughed again. “Next time you can give me ten pence credit, then,” he said, backtracking to the front door.

“Next time you can wait till I’m awake before ringing my fucking doorbell,” Sam said.

Mark opened the door and stepped out.

“See you, mate,” he said.

“I’m not your mate,” Sam said.

Then he slammed the door. On the other side of it, he heard Mark laugh.

Sam stuffed the money into the pocket of his bathrobe, put the lid back on the ice cream tub and then hid the tub behind the sofa.

He climbed the stairs quietly and went into the bathroom. He had just taken off his robe and was standing naked before the mirror when feet ran up to the door and a fist banged on the other side of it.

“Get out of there!” said a voice. “I’ve got to go to work. You’re making me late.”

“Piss off!” Sam sang. “It’s been empty for half an hour.”

“I need to go in there now. I’m going to be late.”

Sam sighed. He retrieved his bathrobe from the floor, tightened the cord around his waist, then opened the door.

Miranda was ready with her middle finger erect and in his face. She shoved him out of the way, went into the bathroom and closed the door.

It opened again a moment later.

“Have you got the gas money yet?” she said.

Sam sighed again. He reached into his pocket and took out the ten-pound note.

“You take money into the toilet with you?” she said.

He snorted. “Won’t wipe my crack with anything less than one of these.” He held up he note.

“Then you must make yourself very constipated.”

“How much is it?”

“£14.87, but I’ll take fifteen.”

“Not if I only give your fourteen.” He left the other note in his robe and fished out the coins.

“Come on, come on.”

He held out the tenner and all the coins. “There.”

She looked at the money disparagingly. “Don’t you have any notes?” She sighed.

“I can only give you what I’m given.”

“Why don’t you get a job, Samuel?”

“It’s Saturday.”

“Yeah, and tomorrow it’s Sunday, and the day after that it’s Monday. So what?”

“Do you want this money or not?”

She sighed again then grabbed the money.

NOTES:
That's a cheap gas bill, only £14.87 each, so maybe there are more housemates we don't see. This bit establishes it's a Saturday, and Miranda getting ready for work implies it's the morning, probably before nine o'clock (Samuel strikes me as someone who could well still be in his dressing gown by the time she returns from work).